8 Ways to Be There for the Hurting
Are you a full-time caregiver for an elderly parent? Has someone close to you lost a loved one? Do you have a family member or friend dealing with chronic depression or chronic health issues? Do you know someone in your church who is hurting right now?
Do you want to know how to better be there for someone in your life who’s hurting?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, then the book Being There by Dave Furman is definitely for you. Dave Furman is a pastor of Redeemer Church in Dubai, and he has lived with disability due to a nerve disease for 17 years.
The book is peppered with personal anecdotes of support his family received from believers as both he and his wife have dealt with several chronic health issues. However, the principles and advice he gives can be applied to many scenarios in which a friend or family member is in pain—such as a crisis, chronic health issues, deep depression, or grief from loss.
Dave provides a real and unique perspective that is steeped in Scripture. He consistently points to the powerful truths of the gospel as the source of a believer’s ability to most effectively help, comfort, and carry the burdens of those who are hurting. He also kindly shares what caretakers and others who desire to “be there” should avoid doing and offers practical suggestions for how to help instead.
He begins the book by encouraging caretakers to acknowledge the difficulty, loss, and grief they personally experience by caring for a disabled loved one. In spite of grieving, they can find hope in their loss, knowing that “because Jesus was truly abandoned by God the Father, we will never be abandoned by God” (p. 29).
Those seeking to be there for those who are hurting must find their strength in the gospel itself by abiding in Christ. “In order to adequately care for others, we first need this news (and the Spirit of God) to stir in us a new and greater affection” (p. 38).
Below are 8 specific ways provided in the book on how to love and support those who are hurting:
1. Listen, cry with, and hurt alongside them.
2. Rather than feeling like your ministry project, a hurting friend or family member wants to be your friend.
3. Remain loyal. Stick with them through the dark time, even after the initial shock of a diagnosis or loss wanes.
4. “Remind them of the sweet common grace God extends to us. Work hard to find ways to include your friends in something they would enjoy, and lift their spirits” (p. 56).
5. Remind them that their ultimate hope is in Christ alone. “Our hope is grounded in the past, secure in the future, and available for us today” (p. 67).
6. Serve them as Christ would, regardless of their ethnicity, gender, employment, social status, economic status, or stage of life—especially those who are in pain and have nothing to give in return. “When we serve those who are depressed, disabled, handicapped, and hurting, we’re going to have to serve without need for recognition or thanksgiving. Our giving of service cannot be dependent on the response we get” (p. 74).
7. Know what their needs are, which requires “knowing the individual well and looking for unique opportunities to serve them” (p. 81).
8. Pray for them, and encourage them to pray for perseverance through their trials and for God to intervene in their lives.
Chapter 8 of Being There addresses common words and actions we should avoid that can actually be unhelpful to someone who is hurting. At the end of the book are some helpful sections, including a note from Gloria Furman, some recommended resources, and indexes of topics and Scripture verses throughout the book.
Though “only Jesus perfectly loves the hurting” (p. 145), “our community with one another exists only because of what Jesus Christ has done for each one of us. Care and concern should mark the body of Christ as a community” (pp. 134-135).
We highly recommend this book to the body of Hampton Park Baptist Church as we all seek together to obey Scripture’s commands to love and support those within and outside our body who are hurting.