God's Grace for a Haunting Past
My wife and I are expecting our first child, and we are unspeakably excited (and a little nervous!). Now, I didn’t grow up in a family where the guys talked a lot about babies and deliveries, so I’ve been in for a bit of a learning curve. How can I help with morning sickness? What kinds of smells don’t cause nausea? Where can I get pickles and peanut butter at 12am? Recently, I’ve been learning about the delivery process. Apparently, when a baby is born significantly past the due date, the protective covering begins to disintegrate, and exposure to the surrounding fluid occurs. In extreme cases the baby is a moving sight with peeling skin, swollen tummy, and anemic appearance. Maybe that’s why Paul uses this as a metaphor to describe himself when God birthed him to spiritual life.
Last of all, as to one untimely born, he appeared also to me. For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me (1 Corinthians 15:8-10).
Paul is painting a picture for the Corinthians, showing them just how disfigured and broken he was.1“Breathing threats and murder,” he traumatized Christian fathers and mothers, separating them from their little children (Acts 9:1-2). That’s why he was profoundly aware of just how “unworthy to be called an apostle” he was. This kind of past would cripple anyone with despair, depression, and anxiety. But for Paul, this is a part of what drives him. It drives him because he is also profoundly aware of God’s grace. God, in his grace, had called him, washed away his sins, and by Christ’s resurrection, gave him hope in the resurrection of his own body. And that drove him to “be a witness for [Christ] to everyone of what you have seen and heard” (Acts 22:14-16). God’s grace of salvation “was not in vain”; it did exactly what he intended, freeing Paul from the energy-sapping power of past guilt. And God in his saving grace controlled him, driving him to put serious effort into encouraging others with the same Christ that saved him.
So, how do you deal with your guilt? When your sin makes you feel disfigured like “one untimely born,” unable and powerless to love God and others, what do you do? If Paul was like the Jews he described in his letter to the Romans, he dealt with his guilt by zealously judging others in the way he thought God judged him (Rom 2:1-3). He did all kinds of good things in order to “establish” his own righteousness rather than “submit to God's righteousness” that God freely gives in Christ (Rom 10:1-4).
On the other hand, it seemed like the Corinthians dealt with their guilt in a very different way. They dealt with their guilt by taking God’s grace of salvation for granted. They seemed to effortlessly stroll into division, sexual immorality, lawsuits against Christians, idol worship, and more. Why did they deal with their guilt so differently than how Paul formerly did? Perhaps because of their cultural philosophy. Greek philosophy, championed by the Pythagoreans and Plutarch, taught that the physical body was inherently corrupt and the cause of sin. And the afterlife promised blissful release from it. 2 This was a convenient way of resolving their guilt; blame it on their bodies! Consequently (and this is really important), they denied the resurrection of the body (15:12-49). Afterall, it was the source of all their problems!
What about you? Have you ever beat yourself up after you did something wrong, calling yourself names or shaming yourself? Or maybe you resolve to cut back on personal privileges and do better next time. This makes you feel a little better because in a way, you feel like you’re atoning for your sin. On the other hand, have you ever apologized by saying something like, “I’m so sorry; I don’t know what came over me. That wasn’t me!” Or perhaps you avoid thinking about your failures because they just weigh you down.
But neither of those ways are what empowered Paul; neither are Christian. Notice how Paul can at the same time feel how bad his past sins were and “work harder than any of them” (15:10). This is because Paul zeroes in on a particular aspect of salvation, the resurrection. For Paul, the hope of the resurrection is not simply that he will get a body that can run faster and jump higher than he normally can. The real motivating aspect of the resurrection is that it is the final and ultimate assurance that God deals with his guilt and shame; it is the curse put to death! The more you and I trust God to deal with our sin, the more we will work, putting shocking effort into loving him and others.
So, don’t be afraid of your past; it doesn’t own you. Instead, remember how like Paul you are “unworthy” to be accepted by God. But also remember why you are accepted by God, “Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures,” “he was buried,” and “he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures” (15:3b-4). This message gives you the salvation you need to admit your sin and work tirelessly for God.
Two wonders here that I confess
My worth and my unworthiness
My value fixed – my ransom paid
At the cross3
1Taylor, Mark, Edited by E. Ray Clendenen, 1 Corinthians, Vol. 28. (The New American Commentary. Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group. 2014), 377.
2 Ciampa, Roy E., and Brian S. Rosner, The First Letter to the Corinthians. The Pillar New Testament Commentary, (Grand Rapids, MI; Cambridge, U.K.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company 2010), 756.
3 Words and music by Keith Getty, Kristyn Getty, and Graham Kendrick © 2014 Getty Music Publishing (BMI) / Makeway Music (Amin by musicservies.corg).